I got this powerpoint in my e-mail and I had a few miutes at work to mess with it so I did. It seemed inspirational and all but the MST3K in me just couldn't help making snide comments -- mainly about the Bush Administration (did you ever notice how governments we like are called administrations and governments we don't are called regimes). So I sent out this modified powerpoint and people laughed. Then Tamara wanted to have the text to send to people and she sent me a copy to put in the blog. So here it is. My comments are in italics.
This is a nice reading, but short. Enjoy! This is what the Dalai Lama has to say on the millennium. All it takes is a few seconds to read and think over. Do not keep this message. The mantra should leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise. This is true for all-even if you are not superstitious...or of any particular religious belief.... Faith....
[I've made some changes. So now the Mantra can stay in your hands forever because it may melt in your mouth but not in your hands.]
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
During the Bush Administration
- Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
[Unless you have friends with the Bush Administration.]
- When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
[And any money you lose you can get back through tax cuts and crony contracts.]
- Follow the three R's:
- Respect for self,
- Respect for others and
- Responsibility for all your actions.
[Unless you're CEO of a big corporation.]
- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
[Unless it's the UN, then you can ignore them and do what you want anyway.]
- Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
[Or just insult and degrade your allies that don't like it when you break the rules.]
- Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
[Especially when you need them to bail you out of a multi-billion dollar fiasco.]
- When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
[Like going back to the UN to ask for their help, but only if they play by our rules.]
- Spend some time alone every day.
[Or alienate the entire world so the whole country can spend time alone.]
- Open arms to change but don't let go of your values.
[As long as it's regime change where and when we want it. We're fine with that.]
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
[And all administration critics should remember that because John Ashcroft is watching.]
- Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
[Or invade countries your father invaded so you can enjoy it a second time now.]
- A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
[And Bush loves all of his energy corporation cronies just like family.]
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
[Saddam isn't a loved one so the past is fair game. But the UN shouldn't bring up the past.]
- Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
[Or lie about your knowledge and get the country into a multi-billion dollar war/fiasco.]
- Be gentle with the earth.
[It's her first time and you know you want to drill her hard. Oil drilling that is.]
- Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
[We'd like George W. Bush to give reality a try.]
- Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
[Did we mention that we love the UN but we don't really need them? Or maybe we do....]
- Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
[That's the message to the middle class. Who needs money, jobs, security, freedom?]
- Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
[Or the truth about WMD, or the environment, or the UN-so much reckless abandon.]
FORWARD THIS MANTRA E-MAIL TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE
[Not really but while you're distracted we can take more of your freedoms.]
0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.
15 people & over: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours.
You will get a very pleasant surprise....
[You and all the people you send this to are now on a secret government list of "Persons of Interest." Please go rent some movies and check books out from the library.]